November 5. 2017.

I supposed this blog has become more of a journal than anything. I simply haven’t been inclined to write poetry recently. Nonetheless, I’ve been writing quite a bit in my personal “Paris” book… especially about things that I have been thinking about/experiencing.

It’s strange how so much can change in three months. Since I’ve moved to Europe, I’ve realized just how much I was suffering from anxiety/depression back in the US. Coming back here has reminded me of the life I used to live, the life of my childhood. Even though I can’t change what happened in the past, I’ve realized that I can mold my life ~ much in the same way a potter gives shape to her vase ~ and re-create it until it feels right. It’s not an easy task… it requires discipline and the ability to accept failure (qualities that I feel like I am now starting to acquire) but I’m DOING it. I’m actually doing it. Little by little, I’m facing my demons.

Every now and then, I’ll even get this feeling that I’m looking at the world through the eyes of my younger self. It’s this incredible feeling of total immersion, flow, and happiness. I find it strange that I can remember what my childhood felt like… but I remember it clearly and I’m glad to have these recollections of my perception of life. It reassures me that I’m going in the right direction.

TL

Beauty

 

i want my life to be beautiful. i want to fill it with soft and 
delicate moments. i also want it to be filled with hard and painful 
ones because it is only through juxtaposition that one can realize 
that beauty does not just lie in the delicate.
beauty does not just lie in the painful. Beauty lies the contrast.

 

to be soft is to be powerful ~ rupi kaur

seconds of pure significance

i was sitting in the steps of the trocadéro today at around 7:00 and suddenly, the Eiffel Tower lit up!

but here is what i remember the most: the astounded sighs from the people around me. the collective breathtaking sound made me think ~ this is what life must be about. it’s about these few ephemeral seconds of pure significance.

feel the beauty and the pain

feel the beauty 
and the pain 
as i'm riding 
on this train 
so i know 
that the 
main thing to do 
is to keep moving on 
to the sound of the city 
to forget all the pity 
that i feel for myself 
in this moment. 

- song

 

i don’t want to be like you

i don't want to be like you 
i don't want to sink like you do 
just want to go into the desert 
feel the wind between 
my fingertips

all alone. 

underneath the sun 
don't you know 
you hold the key to your universe


so let's go.

conquer

"you come into this world alone. 
you will die alone. if you don't 
stand up for yourself, people will 
walk all over you. so get up. dust 
yourself off. conquer your demons" 

- advice

 

selfish. desperate. eyes

how did i not see the truth?
maybe it was my youth 
that blinded me 
to your selfish. desperate. eyes
how did i not realize that i was 
trying to survive 
while you were crumbling inside.

things that i love #1:

i love
the way 
the ocean
can fold 
itself 
into a
wave.

unfamiliar perfumes

i don't go 
smelling around
my husband's clothes
in search for 
unfamiliar perfumes

she said. 

been taught 
to never 
ever.
follow him 
into 
strange 
hotel rooms. 

- what you don't know won't hurt you?